Crippled CEO Blog #122:
1. No. I’m not paralyzed.
2. Yes. I can feel my legs.
2b. Yes. I can feel that, too. And yep. It works great.
3. No. I don’t have a disease.
4. I have cerebral palsy. It was caused by a one time brain injury that happened during birth due to a lack of oxygen and a very small subsequent aneurysm.
5. No, it doesn’t get worse. Age, however, makes everything get worse for everyone, and aging exacerbates existing conditions. This includes my CP. I don’t expect to live a normal lifespan. I expect to die in the next 10-15 years.
6. No, I cannot do a wheelie.
7. No, I shouldn’t put rims on it.
8. Yes, the chair is expensive. This one cost about $20,000. And no, none of this is paid for by the government, insurance, etc. It was 100% out of pocket. This is also the case for my vehicle (which costs $40,000 more than the same vehicle without modifications) and the small amount of help I pay for. Paying to shower/get out of bed is my largest monthly expense.
9. I use the restroom pretty much just like you do. I use a urinal for #1, which I can handle independently. And a regular toilet for #2, but I need help transferring on and off.
10. Yes. I’m probably smarter than you. But don’t worry. It’s not just you.
11. Yes, seriously. It really does work. And yes, it gets used often.
12. Because I’m funny and nice and smart and have an awesome job. Ladies like all those things. I’m also incredibly good looking.
13. No, I won’t hire you.
14. Food Shack in Jupiter, FL.
15. I don’t know how you can be as awesome as me. Try reading a lot and stressing over small stuff less.
- 16. No, I don’t have a “license for that thing”. Nor do I want to hear your super original “don’t speed” joke. And yes, I am “pretty good at driving that”. I’ve been doing it for 30 fucking years. I’d hope so.
That’s all for this week, folks. Today, February 13th, is my favorite holiday of the year. On this day, more pubic hair will be waxed and shaved than any other day of the year. Irish pubs have St. Patty’s, fancy restaurants have New Years, salons have Smooth-It Sunday. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
(Do you know who can verify #11? Your mom. Last night. She also gets a text from me every Sunday with a link to the latest blog post. Send a text to 561-726-1567 with the word CRIP as the message to get a link to the blog as soon as it’s up.)