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Crippled CEO Blog #131:

Once upon a time, on one of our e-commerce sites, we had a couple instances where people were using stolen credit cards to place orders and ship them to wherever.

After the third or so time this happened, the manager in charge of that department decided it was a serious problem and serious measures had to be taken.

He installed a top-of-the-line, bulletproof, expensive security service that monitored the website for fraudulent activities.

He changed a setting on the website so that customers couldn’t have a different billing address from their shipping address. If they wanted to do this, they had to call the office and go through this complicated ordeal to place their order.

He implemented a policy that orders over a certain dollar amount needed to be called, checked, and verified.

The result: no more counterfeit orders. 

Also, all kinds of problems and expenses, not to mention the lost sales from people who couldn’t be bothered to jump through the hoops to place their legitimate order.

When I hired my first ever office manager, whenever she printed out a work order to go out into the warehouse, I made her give me the work order and the email so I could double check it. The order wasn’t allowed to move on until I literally signed off on it. I started doing this after she made her first mistake.

The result? I occasionally caught some little errors, but most of the time, everything was perfect, and not only was I spending a lot of time checking these every day, the bottleneck of orders waiting on me caused delays.

Sometimes, the cost of preventing problems or mistakes is more than the cost of just fixing them. It feels smarter and more responsible to implement all of these safeguards, but it is easy to go to far. As my company continues to grow, I’m often on the lookout for these types of things that build unnecessary bureaucracy, done with good intentions in the name of prudence.

The twin brother of this is bosses who won’t let employees do things because they want to make sure they don’t get screwed up. And again, this sounds like it might be smart, but it is also very possible that the cost of fixing the mistake, if it even occurs, is less than the boss’s time doing that particular task, combined with the lost opportunity cost — what thing would he have done with that time instead?

I don’t have homeowner’s insurance because I believe that the cost of insurance is more than the cost of whatever repairs I might have to make if something happens. I am currently in the middle of paying to remodel a bathroom that got destroyed due to a flood from a broken waterline, so I might be wrong about this one, but I do think, long-term, I will end up coming out ahead. We will see. 

Wearing a condom is a reasonable precaution if you’re trying to avoid pregnancy. Chopping off your lance of love — your womb raider, your bald-header-sailor, your tonsil tickler, your tan banana, your lap rocket, Russell the one-eyed muscle, Rumpleforeskin, Prince Everhard of the Netherlands, your heat seeking moisture missile, the membrum virile! (Ahem — sorry about that) — that might be a smidge excessive. 

Sometimes being safe is worse than being sorry. And then you’ll be sorry for being safe. It takes some skill to figure out where the line is, but it is easier to spot if you’re actively looking for it.

PS: I have a YouTube channel now! This is the link to my first YouTube video: https://youtu.be/PQbHlG9W34Y

If you could go like that video and subscribe, I would be the happiest cripple on the planet. You will also be the first to know about the new, life-changing video that I will be posting every week.

(Do you know who wasn’t worried about safety at al last night? Your mom. She is so crazy. I had to get stitches in my wedding wrecker. Your mom also gets a text from me every Sunday with a link to the latest blog post. Send a text to 561-726-1567 with the word CRIP as the message to get a link to the blog as soon as it’s up.)

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Crippled CEO Blog #130:

I don’t make to-do lists. 

In fact, I think they are a bad idea.

And, I promise, it isn’t because I have a superhuman memory and I don’t need to track the things I have to do.

I don’t make to-do lists because they lack a very necessary component: when?

When am I going to do these things?

That’s why, instead of making a list of things I need to do, I put them in my calendar. 

From doing projects to checking email, if it’s a  that I need to do, I block it out on my calendar. And then I treat that time like it’s an appointment. 

Most of us fill our calendars with all of the things that keep us from working — meetings, phone calls, appointments, etc. (things other people want from us, usually) — and if there’s room in the calendar, there must be time for more of that stuff, so we fill it. But then when do we actually do the work that matters? 

And if the actual work is the most important thing we do, then why aren’t we putting that on the calendar? Why aren’t we fitting all these other things around the top priority instead of the other way around? 

As far as I can tell, there is no real good reason. So, let’s start doing it. Let’s start blocking out uninterrupted time where we get done the real work that’s going to have the biggest impact, and let’s try to squeeze in everything else around that, instead of the other way around.

That’s what I’m going to do. Let me know if you want to do it, too. I want to hear your results.

(Do you know who I blocked out a large amount of time with last night? Your mom. Your mom also gets a text from me every Sunday with a link to the latest blog post. Send a text to 561-726-1567 with the word CRIP as the message to get a link to the blog as soon as it’s up.)

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Crippled CEO Blog #129:

We are Life Savers. 

The product that we manufacture and sell literally saves lives. That is its primary purpose.

When we bend over backwards to help a customer when they need us, in just the way they need us, when we go above and beyond, the response we are hoping for is either akin to or literally: “You’re such a Life Saver!”

When they tell their friends the story about how well they were treated, we hope they say, “They were a real Life Saver.”

This is why we are always available, why we answer the phone, why we are shockingly responsive. Life Savers are there when you need them. 

This is why we fix things at no charge and replace things for free even when they aren’t covered under warranty — because Life Savers help even when they don’t have to, even when the person doesn’t deserve it. 

And we aren’t just Life Savers to our end users. We strive to be Life Savers to our Life Saver dealers. Through remarkable customer service and exceptional quality, yes, but more importantly, by providing them with this business that really changes and saves their lives. There’s a reason Life Saver dealers and their employees leave whatever they were doing before and choose to keep being Life Saver Pool Fence dealers. The business allows them to provide security and prosperity for themselves and their family in a way that provides fulfillment and purpose. They have the opportunity to become pillars of support for their community, to reach out and help others who are struggling like they possibly struggled before — to save lives, to be Life Savers. To our dealers, we aren’t just a supplier they get their materials from. We are constantly doing everything we can to help them grow and be successful. To our dealers, we strive to be Life Savers. 

We apply the same idea to our employees. Right from the start, we often select good people who have had a rough time and need a second chance — good people who might be rejected by other employers or parts of society. Then we try to create a special kind of environment, so that regardless of what is happening everywhere else in their lives, when they come here, they are in a place with kind, happy people, that is filled with compassion, understanding, humor, and grace — a place where they’re not only safe, physically and emotionally, but where they have the opportunity to do great work that they can be proud of, to make a difference, to have a positive impact, and to challenge the ideas of what they thought they were capable of. We try to make their time at work as rewarding as possible, while paying them enough and giving them the resources to make their lives outside work better, as well. Through words, example, and action, we try to be Life Savers to the people we work with, encourage them to be Life Savers to each other, and hopefully carry that same mentality out into the world. 

When we answer the phone, send an email, tape up a box, stretch mesh over a section of fence, give an employee review, or anything else we do, we try to always ask the question, “Am I being a Life Saver?”

That’s the guiding light that governs our actions.

Not money, not profit — being a Life Saver. 

Not because those other things aren’t important, because they are, but because we know that if we are Life Savers first, the rest is guaranteed to come.

We aren’t just a company that sells pool fence. We save lives, in every way we can. 

What is the bigger thing that your company does? Whether you’re a restaurant or a software company, there has to be more you offer besides food and computer programs. Once you figure that out, the rest of your decisions become much easier. You put every choice up against the idea of who you really are and what your purpose is, and your options get fewer.

We are striving to be Life Savers. Who are you trying to be?

(Do you know who I was a real life saver to last night? Your mom. Your mom also gets a text from me every Sunday with a link to the latest blog post. Send a text to 561-726-1567 with the word CRIP as the message to get a link to the blog as soon as it’s up.)

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Crippled CEO Blog #128:

I wrote the below for our Life Saver Pool Fence dealers, but the ideas inside can pertain to pretty much any business. For those of you running small businesses, I thought it might be worthwhile for you.

—

What is the perfect attire to wear to get the most sales?

Is it a Life Saver polo shirt and khakis? Is it a Life Saver button down and slacks? What color is best?

You’re a Life Saver. Maybe the best attire is something that reminds people of other kinds of life savers. Maybe you should wear a Life Saver branded outfit that resembles a paramedic or a firefighter, or maybe scrubs and a lab coat like a doctor. 

Or maybe the best choice is a three piece suit, and you put on white gloves before sliding your samples out of velvet bags. 

Maybe it’s the superhero shirts we had made. 

What about for installations? What attire is going to generate the most word-of-mouth, the most referrals, or get the most attention on social media? Is it one of the examples above, or something else entirely?

I don’t know the answer to these questions. But I do know that there is one. There is an ideal choice, but if you’re not consciously thinking about it and trying to find it, and just haphazardly picking whatever at random, you are definitely never going to find it.

What is the best vehicle wrap for generating phone calls?

What is the ideal vehicle for installing Pool Fence? Everybody has different vans and trucks. One of them is the best one. And there is an ideal way of organizing that van. Shouldn’t we know what that is?

What is the best email signature?

What is the perfect text response to a customer asking for a price? What about the best email response?

What is the best possible voicemail greeting?

What is the best way to answer the phone?

I know a lot of us, me included, do these various tasks and make these choices over and over, without stopping to really think through if we are doing it the optimum way.

Because there are so many of you, we can find out. We should be trying to figure out the best possible way to do all the things that you do, so that we can share that with everybody, and if it is the best way, then everybody should do it like that every time.

If there’s an outfit that closes the most estimates, everyone should be wearing it to estimates every time. 

If there is an ideal vehicle with an ideal set up, that is what everybody should be using.

Let’s stop making these choices practically by accident, and instead figure out what the best answer is. And then do that every single time. 

(Do you know who else wants me to find the most efficient solution? That’s right. Your mom. Your mom also gets a text from me every Sunday with a link to the latest blog post. Send a text to 561-726-1567 with the word CRIP as the message to get a link to the blog as soon as it’s up.)

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Crippled CEO Blog #127:

I do something weird on a fairly regular basis.

I mean, I do lots of weird things, but there is one in particular that I’m going to tell you about today.

I imagine a large room filled with all of my friends, my one family member, my employees, my former girlfriends, my former not-quite-girlfriends, my employees, my best customers, my other business associates, and so on.

And in the room is a casket. 

I’m inside of it. 

And I’m dead.

And this is obviously my funeral.

And in this funeral, one by one, people take turns recounting all of the amazing things that I did for them. They tell stories where I helped with no expectation of anything in return. One by one, they describe me as the most generous person they ever knew — someone who made the world a better place by existing in it.

Through their combined testimonies, bit by bit, they tell the story of my life, and everyone in attendance agrees that it was a life worth being envious of.

Sometimes, I imagine that a video of me plays on a projector, and I tell the story of my life. I imagine what that story would be if my life went just the way I would like it.

I know what a story of my life should be. I don’t know the specific details, because that kind of planning only leads to disappointment, but I know the broad strokes – I know the general themes. I know what I want to be remembered for.

Do you know this? Because if you do, the next step is getting to work on creating that life. If you do, the direction you should go in becomes simple. It doesn’t become easy, but it does become simple. 

The story of your life is going to be told at your funeral. There will be a story regardless of whether or not you consciously decided what you wanted your life to be, regardless of whether you were the captain of the voyage, or if you let the winds send you in random directions. If there’s going to be a story either way, why not make it a great one?

What else do you have to do?

(Do you know who’s going to tell some crazy stories at my funeral? Your mom. She’s also going to outlive me because she’s indestructible. Your mom also gets a text from me every Sunday with a link to the latest blog post. Send a text to 561-726-1567 with the word CRIP as the message to get a link to the blog as soon as it’s up.)

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Crippled CEO Blog #126:

Have you wondered how I come up with the ideas to write this blog every week?

No?

Not at all?

Well… I’m going to go ahead and tell you, anyway. 

I have three foolproof techniques that work every time, 75% of the time. 

First, I have the idea list. Before I started writing the blog, I brainstormed every idea that I could think of and wrote it into a list. I got about 50 — a year’s worth — of pretty good ideas this way. This got the ball rolling, but the list is actually my back up plan in case the next methods don’t pan out. 

Second, I seek out stories that happen in my life with a worthwhile lesson that I can use. Between running a business and being crippled, I have a lot of interesting experiences, so this is a good well to draw from. You don’t have to be an entrepreneur or crippled for this to work, though. Most people have at least something of note happen to them each week.

Lastly, I consume a lot of content. I listen to audiobooks and podcasts, I read lots of articles, I watch a metric ton of YouTube videos, and so on, and almost all of it is on the topics I write about in the blog. When I come across an idea that I feel like I can talk about intelligently, or maybe put my own spin on, I steal it. Simple as that. All ideas are inspired by other ideas, and the way I teach it is going to be different from the way that I heard it, and most of you folks would never have learned it from the original source, so I really don’t have any qualms about this. No, I don’t plagiarize. I don’t steal the content verbatim. But I do often teach concepts that I’ve learned from other places. This is a great source of material.

Sometimes, I also do get random ideas during the week, and I try to write those down, but that’s not really a replicable system — it’s just luck. 

And that’s it. That is the secret behind writing 126 blog posts. Now you can go forth and do it yourself. Enjoy.

(Do you know who gives me my most creative ideas? Your mom. But they have nothing to do with writing a blog. Your mom also gets a text from me every Sunday with a link to the latest blog post. Send a text to 561-726-1567 with the word CRIP as the message to get a link to the blog as soon as it’s up.)

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Crippled CEO Blog #125:

In years past, we used to recommend to our dealers that they put a disclaimer at the bottom of their work order forms. It read something like this:

“We will be drilling into your deck. While we take every possible precaution, we will not be responsible for any pipes or lines we may drill through under your deck surface, or any chips, cracks, or any other damage to the deck.”

This makes sense, right? All kinds of water, gas, and electrical lines can be running under a pool deck, sometimes in places forbidden by the building code, and drilling through those could result in serious damage. We wanted our dealers to be protected if and when an accident like this occurred. Plus, this is what every other pool fence installation company did, too. It seemed smart. Responsible. Prudent, even. 

As the decades went by, though, we learned some things. 

Most dealers only have this happen to them once every few years. 

And even though the customers signed a document saying that the dealers were not responsible, in almost every case, the dealer still ended up making the repair themselves or paying for it to be done. It was worth it to get paid for the job and make the customer happy.

So, since everybody was already taking responsibility for these accidents, we started recommending that the dealers change the language on the work order to read:

“We ARE responsible…”

Now, when giving an estimate, our dealers can point out that, unlike the competition, we take responsibility for our work. They say they don’t. We do. And sure, occasionally they have to fix something that wasn’t their fault, but that cost is outweighed by the jobs they get from people who choose them for that reason. 

It’s good to try to be careful. It is good to try to prevent mistakes, and to have checks and balances. But I’ve also seen it get out of hand. I’ve seen instances where the cost of the prevention outweighs the problem or — more critically — hurts the culture because employees find it to be tedious, pointless overkill. 

The pendulum typically swings and this direction as a company starts to get a bit bigger, as the business gets more conservative, and as certain employees attempt to justify their existence by creating additional bureaucracy. Just because something is safer does it mean that it’s better. Don’t let the cure be worse than the disease.

(Do you know who never wants protection? Your mom. Your mom also gets a text from me every Sunday with a link to the latest blog post. Send a text to 561-726-1567 with the word CRIP as the message to get a link to the blog as soon as it’s up.)

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Crippled CEO Blog #124:

In 2016, the government was alerted to fraud on a grand scale at Wells Fargo. In an effort to meet impossible quotas from management, Wells Fargo employees opened approximately 2 million bank accounts in customers’ names without their consent. 

When they were caught red-handed and the full scope of the fraud was coming to light, Wells Fargo released a statement downplaying the problem, deflecting responsibility, and failing to apologize. 

As the egregiousness of the catastrophe became more public, Wells Fargo took action: they blamed and fired 5,300 low-level employees — employees who were also victims of the corrupt senior management.

Wells Fargo had to pay a $185 million fine and, more importantly, their reputation was permanently scarred. 

When something is wrong, especially in our business, our instinct is to downplay it. Somehow, we think if we can convince people that it’s not as bad as it looks, that will somehow make things better. 

But downplaying a problem doesn’t fix the problem. And people are smart; they know when you are swindling them. 

How much better off would Wells Fargo have been if they had immediately accepted full responsibility, apologized, and taken meaningful, aggressive action?

We have had problems at Life Saver. We have made mistakes. Supply chain issues, defective products, dumb mistakes, bad decisions — at some point, we have done all of them. 

I can’t tell you how many posts, emails, phone calls, etc. have included phrases like: “We fucked up,” “This situation is absolutely terrible,” “There’s no excuse for this,” “This is 100% my fault,” and “I can’t even begin to express how sorry I am.”

Personally and professionally, people understand that mistakes, big and small, will happen. Trying to downplay them isn’t just dishonest, it’s ineffective. If you own it, apologize, and show people what you’re doing to make it right, folks will respect and appreciate that far more. You’ll look way better admitting your mistakes than pretending you’re perfect. Trust me. 

(I’ve made some pretty huge mistakes. Your mom isn’t one of them. Your mom also gets a text from me every Sunday with a link to the latest blog post. Send a text to 561-726-1567 with the word CRIP as the message to get a link to the blog as soon as it’s up.)

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Crippled CEO Blog #123:

I broke up with my girlfriend of almost 3 years in January of 2020. 

About a month later, I decided I was ready to start trying to find somebody again.

For the first time ever, I downloaded the various apps, I made the profiles, and I dove headfirst into online dating.

And then a little thing called COVID hit. 

This threw a big wrench into the whole going to crowded places with strangers thing.

I paused the entire campaign for a while, but eventually, I met somebody through one of the apps that I really wanted to meet.

I knew I wasn’t going to go to a restaurant. This was early days in the pandemic, when the virus was still at the peak of its powers, and as a cripple with diminished lung capacity, catching it likely would have resulted in increased revenue for my local funeral home. At the very least, I would have had a less than pleasant sabbatical in a hospital bed. Either way, it would have rained on all of my parades.

I decided that I would create an outdoor restaurant in my home. I set up a gazebo in my backyard, romantically lit with strings of golden lights, with a table at its center, fans in the corners, and a portable air-conditioning unit controlling the climate. I hired a waiter to not only serve us the food, but also to take our order. You see, I had a couple appetizers, three entrees, and a dessert delivered from one of my favorite restaurants. I liked all three entree choices, so whichever one she picked, I just got one of the others, and the third became leftovers. She ordered off of menus that I printed at the office and put in plastic sleeves. 

I took the food descriptions off of the restaurant’s website and spiced them up a bit, putting it all into a word document. Her name was Mayra (to protect the guilty, that is her actual name), so at the top of the menu, in big, bold letters, it read: Mayra’s Bistro. 

Of all of the things that went into this — the rented air-conditioning, the gazebo, the lights, the waiter, the food, and so on — she was most taken aback by the menu. It was by far the least expensive, easiest component of the entire experience, but that’s what stood out the most to her because it was personalized. It had her name on it. It was thoughtful and unique to her.

Now, if what you’re seeking here is a great way to impress the person who sizzles your fajita — congratulations. My work here is done. Mission accomplished. You can thank me by naming your child Harrison.

However, we can take this a step further. How can we delight our customers in the same way? Because, like I said, the personalization was the easiest and least expensive part, so why not do that?

If you give a quote to a customer, either digitally or on paper, it probably has a form field that says “Name:” and you write or type their name in the box. 

If you’re typing the name anyways, why not get rid of the name field entirely and title the quote “Fred Johnson’s Personalized Proposal”? It’s a small thing, but you are already standing out from everybody else. If the proposal is for a business, are you putting THEIR logo on the cover page?

If your business has a physical location, and you know that you have an important client or potential client coming that day, how hard would it be to print out and tape their name onto the parking spot right up front? When they’re on the way, let them know to be on the lookout for it. How special would you feel if that happened to you?

If you’re going to visit an important customer, could you print out a business card with THEIR name on it? Maybe the top reads: “Fred’s Real Estate Agent” or “How Fred Can Reach Me” or “Don’t forget me, Fred!”

Chewy famously sends out personalized paintings of random customers’ pets. They also include a handwritten note with every order.

This year for Christmas, we sent out Yeti cups to all of our top dealers. On one side of the cup was the Life Saver logo. On the other side, it had their name. 

We donate pool safety fences to families who have had a fatal or nonfatal drowning. In most cases, the installation is handled by the local Life Saver, but sometimes there isn’t a Life Saver nearby, so we let them order whatever they need from PoolFenceDIY.com and we send them a coupon code that gives them a 100% discount. We always make the coupon code the name of their child.

Adding in a touch of personalization costs very little and only takes a bit more effort, but can have a very big impact. Just ask Mayra. Her and I got engaged on — just kidding. She ended up ghosting me. But she really did love the menus. Big hit. And your customers will love it, as well.

(Do you know who is tired of hearing my name used in a personalized way? Your mom’s neighbors. Your mom also gets a text from me every Sunday with a link to the latest blog post. Send a text to 561-726-1567 with the word CRIP as the message to get a link to the blog as soon as it’s up.)

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Crippled CEO Blog #122:

FAQ Answers

1. No. I’m not paralyzed. 

2. Yes. I can feel my legs.

2b. Yes. I can feel that, too. And yep. It works great. 

3. No. I don’t have a disease. 

4. I have cerebral palsy. It was caused by a one time brain injury that happened during birth due to a lack of oxygen and a very small subsequent aneurysm. 

5. No, it doesn’t get worse. Age, however, makes everything get worse for everyone, and aging exacerbates existing conditions. This includes my CP. I don’t expect to live a normal lifespan. I expect to die in the next 10-15 years. 

6. No, I cannot do a wheelie. 

7. No, I shouldn’t put rims on it. 

8. Yes, the chair is expensive. This one cost about $20,000. And no, none of this is paid for by the government, insurance, etc. It was 100% out of pocket. This is also the case for my vehicle (which costs $40,000 more than the same vehicle without modifications) and the small amount of help I pay for. Paying to shower/get out of bed is my largest monthly expense. 

9. I use the restroom pretty much just like you do. I use a urinal for #1, which I can handle independently. And a regular toilet for #2, but I need help transferring on and off. 

10. Yes. I’m probably smarter than you. But don’t worry. It’s not just you. 

11. Yes, seriously. It really does work. And yes, it gets used often. 

12. Because I’m funny and nice and smart and have an awesome job. Ladies like all those things. I’m also incredibly good looking. 

13. No, I won’t hire you. 

14. Food Shack in Jupiter, FL. 

15. I don’t know how you can be as awesome as me. Try reading a lot and stressing over small stuff less.

1. 16. No, I don’t have a “license for that thing”. Nor do I want to hear your super original “don’t speed” joke. And yes, I am “pretty good at driving that”. I’ve been doing it for 30 fucking years. I’d hope so.

That’s all for this week, folks. Today, February 13th, is my favorite holiday of the year. On this day, more pubic hair will be waxed and shaved than any other day of the year. Irish pubs have St. Patty’s, fancy restaurants have New Years, salons have Smooth-It Sunday. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. 

(Do you know who can verify #11? Your mom. Last night. She also gets a text from me every Sunday with a link to the latest blog post. Send a text to 561-726-1567 with the word CRIP as the message to get a link to the blog as soon as it’s up.)

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